THIRD YEAR DISSAPOINTMENTS.

And when you're fifteen.

YES. Fifteen. That age wherein LOVE is much more complicated, DRAMA is a part of your life and TRIALS and STRUGGLES are very much there to trouble you even more.

I've been very troubled lately. A lot of things have been going on my mind since mom left for Maryland to work as a SPED teacher. I'm listing (I seem to enjoy lists) the things that have been bothering me lately:

• I've just realized that I can't get over the fact that Aljen and I aren't MU anymore. When we first met, it was like I didn't expect we'd share something special after only a span of what? 2 weeks. I learned he liked me too through a truth or dare game. And after a week of MU, he opened up a conversation through phone that he wanted to end it now for the reason that IF WE'D BECOME AN ITEM AND BREAK UP, WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SHARE THE SAME FRIENDSHIP WE'RE SHARING NOW. I found it pretty shallow, which just proved that he really doesn't love me. He wasn't ready, wasn't determined. And I gave my all for him. So much for Karma.

• Dad and I can't seem to get along. He treats me as if I'm invisible. He won't listen to my suggestions, to what I'd say just because he THINKS I'M TOO IMMATURE, THAT I'M NOT YET AN ADULT AND THAT SINCE HE'S OLDER HE'S ALWAYS RIGHT. But in fairness, I'm the one who knows whats right (most of the time). DAMN! I want to tell him how I feel about the way he's treating me. ARRRGH. And you know what else? HE LIKES MY AUNTIE! MY MOM'S SISTER! TALK ABOUT TRAITOR! I accidentally saw a picture of my auntie that he took wherein she was sleeping in her shorts. FUCK! O.o

• I'm finding that in most of the things that I want to achieve in, I fail. Tryouts for Soccer Baseball? I DIDN'T MAKE IT. Finals for Chamber Theathre? WE DIDN'T WIN. Chosen as a Cheerleader? I WASN'T CHOSEN. I wanted Third Year to be the best year yet. I wanted it to start really well. But instead, it started the way I didn't want it to start.

So far, those are the things that's going on in my mind right now. Why are there always hardships and struggles to be encountered? Why are there always mistakes and failures?

And then I remember the classic saying: "THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON"

There's a reason why Aljen and I had to end this "thing" that we had, there's a reason why Dad and I don't get along right now, and there's a reason why things just aren't going the way I want it to.

Maybe, God has something better planned for me.

I wouldn't know, what if God wants me and Aljen to get to know each other better? What if God wants me and Dad to be stronger for the future? And what if in the months to come, things will go my way at last.

For now, all I have to do is hope that things WILL get better.

Till my next entry,

Jam =]